Musings

Shades of Cool

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***

He told me he was sorry it had to end this way.

I was sorry it had to end at all.

And that difference was why it had to.

***

In my last post I literally mentioned how I was going to try to blog more, even though sometimes I get too sad to do anything, least of all to sit down and type something. And at the time, I really meant it. What’s the point of claiming to love and enjoy something if you can’t take the time out to actually do it?

So here we are. Sad and completely heartbroken, but here.

Perhaps one day, when I’ve dealt with it properly and finally accepted it, I’ll write about my breakup and everything it’s taught me. But for now, all I can do is talk about the ways I’ve been coping with this change in my life.

I’ve never been an emotionally open person – the kind that can wear her heart on her sleeve and let her feelings pour out of her easily. But I’m learning the importance of sharing with others, that it’s not a sign of weakness, and that sometimes it’s okay to be vunerable. Luckily I’ve surrounded myself with amazing people who have allowed me to express myself, and lent an ear to my troubles, which I am very grateful for.

In addition to talking to people, potatoes have helped. I recently tried to cut back on carbohydrates sligtly, but an occasional potato is really helpful for dealing with grief. That and chocolate – there’s a reason you eat it after a dementor attack.

I’ve also listened to a lot of Lana Del Rey, whose lyrics seem to perfectly capture what I’m going through (my current favorite lending itself to the title of this post) – there’s nothing like ugly crying in your car while also trying to reach the same notes as her in these haunting melodies that becomes a small distraction from life, until you can finally listen to the song without crying.

Finally, today I went to the beach, which was calming. Being in the ocean, the waves soothing as they carry you softly back towards the shore, was really therapeutic. While being in the water something made me think that everything will be alright, that once I get through this there will be better things ahead. Whether or not this will happen remains to be seen, but it’s a nice feeling nonetheless.

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